Wednesday, July 06, 2005

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then I guess I like eating Panda Soul-windows

Do you realize that Pandas have only a three day window for them to mate? Seriously, does God want Pandas to die? What the hell did Pandas ever do to God?! I mean, we killed his son and our dangly bits can go all year. (except for New Years! Sorry, Ladies!) There's no justice.

I've been having a bunch of requests from my brain (Thanks for the suggestion!) that I should post some of my recent reviews of new music releases (so recent in fact, that I'm making them off the top of my head!). So here they are:
  • Gwen Stefani, Love Angel Music Baby

Big props to Gwen for finally revealing what I've been wondering ever since Faith No More asked the age old question, "What is it?"

Apparently, It's Bananas... B-A-N-A-N-A-S (Holy Crap, I actually just had to sing the song in my head in order to remember how to properly spell bananas. DAMN YOU GWEN STEFANI!!) Who'd have thunk it.

  • Foo Fighters, On Your Honor

Well, we can be certain that it isn't Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's honor; she's retiring. Plus, I see that she has already ruled against the former in the case of 1 albums worth of passable material vs. 2 albums that only my friend Brian likes*.

*Justice Ginsberg wrote the majority decision citing "lack of awesomeness". The dissenting opinion came from Justice Scalia who based his opposition upon the point that "Best of you" is "totally still kickass, in my opinion".

  • Weezer, make believe

Who has two thumbs and thought that this album was great? Pretty much everybody, including some primates*.

*my friend Brian, once again.

  • Nine Inch Nails, With Teeth

Because no one understands teen angst better than a 40-something millionaire.

  • The Killers, I'm also full of angst!

They sound like they're British, but they suck like they're American!

  • Coldplay, A bunch of letters

They sound like they're British, and that's all I can recall before I woke up sobbing, bleeding out on a tile floor*.

*Was it a "mosaic" tile floor? Yes, it was!


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