Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The movie post that's cooler than the other side of a pillow.

The Summer blockbusters are here!

What's on TV?

X-Men 3: The Last Stand
Finally! An X-Men story that shares the same qualities of current Marvel comics:
Rushed to completion, poorly thought out, with terrible mischaracterizations of beloved icons.

Shining Moment:
The part where Blade 2 killed Professor X (Oops, Spoiler Warning!).

Sucking Moment:
"I'm the Juggernaut, Bitch!"

tied with....

Everything with Halle Barry. Or that spiky guy. What was up with that guy? No, wait. It was definitely Angel, or who I affectionately like to refer to as "filler".

The DeVinci Code
Initially titled "Jesus' Family Fun Spectactular", this was based on a famous mega-selling fictional book, The Bible.

Shining Moment:
I was watching the movie and was ready to turn it off because it sucked.

Erin stops me.

"Just wait, there is a neat twist to the story".

"What, Jesus has kids?" I said, "Duh".

"Just wait" she says.

Sucking Moment:

"Is she his kid?" I say.

"Nevermind" she says, "you can turn it off".

10 minutes: This almost beats my record for ruining a movie for myself (the record goes to The Sixth Sense; ten minutes in, "He's dead". I rock. Plus, you never want to see CSI with me.).

The Lake House
I've had diarrhrea with better structure than this. Seriously.

Shining Moment:

Sucking Moment:
Every scene where Keanu features his trademark blank stare at the camera. Why couldn't he have just played Ted forever? In fact, I'm watching that right now.

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
Totally awesome.

Shining Moment:
Bill: Ted, you know, if I die, you can have my Megadeth collection.
Ted: But dude, we are already dead.
Bill: Oh. Well then they're yours, dude.

Sucking Moment:
Well...I doubt there's gonna be a sequel.

Superman Returns
He's back, and he's mildly homoerotic!

Shining Moment:
I wish I could shoot Superman in the eyeball.

Sucking Moment:
Look, up in the sky!

A bird?

A plane?

Some stupid goddamn fucking kid?

Oh, Lois. You slut.

Look upon my works ye mighty and despair! That's enough for now!


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