Thursday, August 11, 2005

My opinion counts for more because I'm smarter than you!

This is the first post of what I hope will become a regular feature on the blog. Reviews of movies I've recently seen. Let's see what I've punished my brain with recently.

The Devil's Rejects
A heartwarming romp about family, it's tribulations, and how it can come together. Plus, it's a snuff film.

Shining Moment: A spectactular cameo by former WWE and WCW star, Diamond Dallas Page, as a piece of dried up leather.

Sucking Moment: What? No Dr. Satan?

March of the Penguins
Although I have not actually seen this film, I feel qualified to review it because I own a plush penguin and re-enacted the plot in great detail. The film is soft and cuddly.

Shining Moment: When I made the penguin walk across the bed while I made penguin noises (Eek! um...Eek!).

Sucking Moment: When the penguin got into a threesome with Batman and a GI Joe*.

Fantastic Four
More like the Fantastic Bore! Ooh...take that, Commish!

Shining Moment: It has the word "Fantastic" built right into the title!

Sucking Moment: The title is misleading.

Must Love Dogs

Another heartwarming love-story featuring the boyish charm of the roguishly good looking John Cusack, who has managed to make a career out of never changing his expression. Plus, as I've never seen the film, I assume it somehow involves beastiality.

Shining Moment: It has dogs in it.

Sucking Moment: That part where everything goes wrong for the burgeoning couple through a hilarious misunderstanding that is cleverly brought to a resolution by (Please Choose One:) A: A car-chase, B: A taxi-cab rush to the airport, C: A breathless run through the city and park area searching for each other. May somehow involve dogs.

From the creator of Akira, comes this coming of age story about a boy in a mens bath-house.

Shining Moment: You can think about how awesome Akira is (Tetsuo!!!!!!!!!!!).

Sucking Moment: When our young hero graduates from Steamboy to Fluffer.



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