Sunday, July 31, 2005

O sweet, merciful Poseidon, thank you for this majestic bounty, you piece of shit worthless sea god.

Paid 50 bucks a head to go out and try some deep sea fishing.

Out of a group of ten, none of us caught anything even worth hauling aboard. Only one of us even caught something that could truly be considered a fish.

Not that I considered myself to be some great fisherman; I would have been happy to walk away with one of those stereotypical comical catches, like a moldy rubber boot, or a wad of compressed seaweed that I could have held above my head in mock triumph.

I couldn't even catch other people's lines by mistake. I sucked out loud.

So I did what - I assume - any down on his luck fisherman would do when presented with this situation. I drank beer and listened to ACDC. And not even good ACDC...and that's saying something.

By the end of the trip, so depressed from not enhancing my manhood with a glut of ruggedly caught fish and from listening to new ACDC (also known as bad ACDC), I started inserting the barbed hooks into my skin just to feel alive.

Just kidding; I'm really just a clumsy drunk.

Plus, when I thought no one was looking, I decided to test out a theory by putting a booger on the hook. Turns out that it doesn't really help matters - and that the group of young conservatives who joined us in the boat will make really funny faces if they see you drunkenly trying to skewer a large booger (which you've just picked in front of them) onto a fishing hook.


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