I guess, if I had to say, it was probably the worst poo ever.

And unless you are looking for more of the same, you should heed my advice.

Never eat 3 mozza burgers in one day.

Unless you want to know the noise a toilet makes when a million fine brown granules ricochet off of a porcelain surface; Unless you'd like to know what it's like to hear a toilet screaming in pain.

Plus, it's impossible to give birth to something like that and not turn to witness the monstrosity.

Before me lay a swirling vortex of color and sensation; A porcelain canvas, splattered with this, my greatest work.

I saw a soggy brown hell tonight, and I named it "Asshole", after his mother.